What I am thankful for.

“When you are troubled and cannot sleep, just count your blessings instead of sheep.”

As I head into the holiday season, I am once again in the battle to remain positive. So in the spirit of Thanksgiving I am listing my blessings in no particular order.

• My husband, who is beyond compare, who has been by my side through thick and thin, who does dishes, laundry, cooks and knows that when I ask for “rocks for my birthday” I mean landscaping rock and NOT diamonds.
• My son, who healed my heart, makes me laugh and smile daily, and makes me want to be a better person each day.
• A home, my cozy house and garden that has been a nest for my happy family.
• A job that I love to do and an employer who has been tolerant of my families needs.
• An education paid for by grants not loans.
• Parents who taught me the value of hard work, and self-reliance.
• The opportunity to travel and see first hand how others in the world live.  
• The ability to cope with the things that are not blessings.

I know that all these things are cliché and unremarkable.  They are the same blessings that many of us have in common.  As I look over this list, however, the subtraction of anyone of these things would make my life very different, and in most cases much more difficult.  And so, for these things I am thankful.

JCICS Asks for Help!

Joint Council (on international children’s services) is asking all families currently in the adoption process with Vietnam to complete the Vietnam survey by Friday, August 22, 2008.   Please pass this on to others you know who are waiting families.

You can see the entire announcement by clicking on “Joint Council” above.

A Weekend of Distractions

It was kind of an odd weekend for us.  We were busy enough to forget about waiting for awhile, but no big stuff to report.

Friday we set off for a memorial service for my uncle in Niagara Falls.  Our hotel of choice was full and so we settled for another place.  It turned out not to be a very good choice, the room was musty smelling, not very clean and in need of an over haul.  We had a ground floor room with a large patio door, so I opened the door to try to air out the room.  The door was so old I could barley move it and had no screen.  So, I struggled to close it once the mosquitos started coming in.

We found the church the next morning without any trouble.  My family is quite large and S was shocked to find that he had so many (second) cousins and that they were adults.  Cousins are supposed to be kids.  The service was really nice, my uncle’s oldest son brought his entire folk music group from his church in Rochester to play for the service.  They were really good and added a lot to the service.  Afterwards there was a breakfast served at a nearby banquet room.  We didn’t know about the meal until it was announced at the end of the service.  Since we knew we wouldn’t make it up to the family reunion this August, we decided to alter our plans to spend the afternoon as tourists and go to the breakfast.

This was also very well done, lots of decent food, a display table, and an open mike.  Many people made short speeches, told great stories or sang.  A portion of my family is quite musical though none are professional they are reasonably accomplished.  After the meal there was a lot of small talk and catching up.  S amused my cousins by reading aloud from his Captain Underpants book, and serving everyone from a small tin of candy I had in my purse.

One of my confirmed bachelor cousins tried to engage S (remember S is 6 years old.)  in conversation about girls.  My husband reported to me later that the conversation went something like this:

CB: So, S you got any girlfriends?

S: No

CB: Why not, you gotta get your self a girl, and it’s real important that she is pretty, really pretty.

S: No, I’d rather just eat a lot of food.  (Sounding like the character “Chowder” from Cartoon Network)

CB: Well you know, girls can be a lot of fun to eat too!

S: Gave him an odd look and walked away.

My husband said he was so flabbergasted he just had no clue how to respond.  I told him that was probably the best thing.  If he had said something or made a big deal about it we would be more likely to have to explain the remark later.  However, we did enjoy actual conversation with many of my other cousins who have more developed senses of what to talk about with whom.

The breakfast did wrap up early enough for us to get to Niagara Falls for some fun.  S was quite excited because we planned to visit the Canadian side which meant he was going to another country.  J and I were a bit nervous as this would be the first time we would take S out of the country and use his new passport.  As silly as it sounds we both had a lurking fear that we would be pulled for background checks because of the obvious lack of family resemblance.  Our fears were unfounded and we crossed without any fuss at all.

S was somewhat impressed with the falls.  More so when we pointed out the size of the people on the Maid of the Mist compared to the falls.  My plan was to go on the Maid of the Mist.  I had grown up less than an hour away and never had the chance to do it myself.  I was hoping for a memorable family experience.  S would have nothing to do with it though.  As we drove into town he spotted a store called Candy Planet and it was at the top of his list.  

We spent the rest of the afternoon exploring Clifton Hill.  There is a lot to do on that short street most of it really fun.  S spotted a place called Brick City.  We paid a surprising $23 for the three of us to get in even with our $1 off ea. coupon.  This was the only thing we did that was not worth it.  Avoid this place unless you have a kid who is Lego obsessed.  And, ask if the prices are not posted.  The only rates posted here were a discounted rate to visit a group of several attractions.  

We had an early dinner at the Rainforest Cafe.  We were able to get a table without waiting but because of where we were (a street intended for the collection of tourist $$) we did not have high expectations.  Despite our surroundings we were pretty pleased with the place over all.  It is a family place, lots of distractions for the little ones, sensory overload manifested in restaurant form.  Despite the animated gorillas, elephants and boa constrictors, 5′-6″ tree frog walking around and the “Rain Storms” every 20 min. my husband heard a patron behind him remark that “all the kids running around here ruin the ambience”.  Apparently the pictures to color on her menu were overlooked, otherwise she would’ve known.

The service was good, the food came quickly, and was prepared well.  The prices were not even overly steep considering this is one of the most touristy spots in the world.  What more could person expect?  Oh yeah, quiet children who sit still.

After that we drove home, sometimes through heavy rain.  So we got home late, tired from the hour and the wet drive.  Sunday was quiet.  I caught up on email, visited grandma in the hospital and made chicken tacos for dinner.  Saturday saw us though enough activity for two weekends, thank goodness it was a quiet day.  As I fell asleep on Sunday night I thought as I have thought for the last year of Sunday nights, “Maybe this week.”

An Awesome Fourth, and A Night of Adventure!

We normally lay low on the fourth.  BBQ at home, a camp fire and s’mores in the backyard.  We don’t even leave home for fireworks since we can see so many from our yard.  This year was different.

We decided to go into Pittsburgh to see the big fireworks there.

 

Pittsburgh Fireworks

(Photo by David Watson) Some Rights Reserved

Normally we would not attempt this sort of thing.  Traffic, parking garages, crowds of people ingesting God knows what and, worst of all, endless waiting with a small child.  But, we had a plan!  The Carnegie Science Center offered a 4th of July Sleep Over Event.  This was really too cool not to try.  Basically the idea is you get to camp out over night in the Science Center and have the run of the place when quiet hours were not in effect.   It was a long fun night.  

First we were treated to a demonstration that explained a lot about fireworks and how the various colors are made.  We then got to see a laser show in the planetarium.  We selected the” 80’s at EIght” show, figuring that Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd would be too much for 6 year old S.  Next was prime seating and a snack for the fireworks.  Our view was very much like the photo above. Best of all we didn’t have to save our place for hours in advance.  We were in the museum playing while the squatters had to entertain themselves out in the rain.  After the fireworks we had admission to an IMAX movie “The Alps”.  Poor S was so tired at this point he asked if he could go to bed, and we did. Others still had energy to play or see the later laser shows.  In the morning a modest continental breakfast was served followed by a traditional planetarium show.  At 10:00 we could have gone over to the Sports Works complex to enjoy that part of the museum but we were just too pooped.  We could have stayed all day at the museum if we wanted, it was included as part of the package.  BTW, free parking as well!

As great as the sleep over was, the fireworks really were the highlight of the night.  Our view was fabulous and the beauty of the location really couldn’t be beat.  The three rivers reflected the light of the fireworks as did PPG Place.  My work and travels have allowed me to see a lot of different fire works shows and this one was certainly one of the best I have ever seen.

I’m really glad we shook things up and did something new this year.  And, I bet we will do this again sometime, except we will have to get a better air mattress.  Sleeping was a bit of an adventure all by it’s self.  

We brought an air bed with us and upon reflection I guess it was (yes, was) about 6-7 years old.  I had suspected there might be a leak in it because it was pretty limp after my BFF’s son had slept on it when they were our guests for our 20th anniversary party.  So I got it out of storage and blew it up a few days early to check on it.  S and the Sandwiched’s girls had even bounced around on it and it held it’s air.  So I assumed all was fine.  

When we all bedded down after the movie S was out pretty quick.  This was a later than normal late night for him.  He looked so snug and comfortable.  Actually we all were.  We had elected to all sleep crosswise on the bed and it seemed pretty roomy.  The exhibit hall had become surprisingly quiet and all the clues said we would get a reasonable night’s rest.   We even had a cool view of downtown from our chosen spot.  

However, before very long it was clear that we were sinking.  There was not anything to be done except to lay still and wait for the inevitable, like polar explorers caught in a storm.  By 1:30 AM the trunk of my body was touching the floor and several of my  extremities had entered a tingly sleep.  I attempted to adjust my body so that it could assume a normal sleep instead of the numbing one for which  I was headed.   Just then, the combined forces of gravity and the magnetism that a sleeping child has for his mother conspired to suck my son into the small space under my body.  I was pinned!  Unable to lie back down again I elected to go to the ladies room.  Upon my return I found that my 1/3 of the queen size mattress was now inhabited completely by S.  Worse yet, his 50 lb. frame some how managed to take up his 1/3 as well.  OK, well, I’ll sleep on the floor.  It’s carpeted, how bad can it be?

I cannot describe to you how hard this floor seemed when I lay upon it.  Instantly I was longing for the luxurious cushion of 2 mm of flocked vinyl provided by our slowly deflating air mattress.  It felt as if the floor was actually pushing up into me and that some how the Earth’s mass had suddenly increased; gravity multiplying in response.  Clearly the carpet beneath me was some sort of clever illusion because if it was actually present there is no way I could have been that uncomfortable.

S L O W L Y, my body adjusted and I did eventually fall asleep.  How I will never know.  Perhaps the day was just so good my body didn’t care!

J and I traded naps when we got home; the air mattress never made it back into the house.  It went from the van directly to the trash.

On Wanting.

OK, I give up.  I give up on hoping that the MOU will be extended or that there will be grandfathering of dossiers.  I am comfortable with that. 

Time to move on.  

Sunday we went to the zoo and had a really nice time.  It was one of those days when we had nothing planned and it was too wet to work in the yard.  So after checking the radar to make sure there was a few hours where is was actually not going to rain we set off.  We go to the zoo pretty often, probably 6 times a year.  Our membership is a good investment and always provides really nice, cheap, impromptu outings.   We throw a lunch together and hop in the car and go.

It was not overly busy for a Sunday, nor too hot.  The threat of rain kept the crowds at home.  We fell into our zoo routine pretty readily, and now part of the entertainment is picking out the differences from our last trip.  Three new beaver babies, a fresh paint job in the primate house, a new walk way to the african dogs over-look, that sort of thing.  We were disappointed that the elephant moms had not delivered yet, a bit over due.

We had lunch in the food court area, our usual spot.  We lingered a bit after lunch and my mind was wandering.  I have been dieting and I was feeling pretty good about our nice heathy packed lunch, and how I’d been able to keep under 1500 calories a day for more than a week.  But, also frustrated because despite that I’d gained a pound over the same week.  Just as I was thinking, “Wow, I’m not even hungry.” a really tempting ice cream cone entered my line of vision.  Creamy chocolate soft serve in one of those hand make waffle cones.  Ugh!  Now I’m hungry.  I turned my head to avoid the ice cream only for my eyes to land spot-on a mother and her newborn.  Double Ugh!  I closed my eyes.     . . . . day ruined?  No, just made me think. It will be like this my whole life.  If I keep up my diet at least I will be rewarded with good health and the energy to care for my family.  If I keep myself from children I will have a hole in my heart my entire life.

When we got home I spent some time surfin’ the net.

•  Korea, no.  We are too old for an infant.  (Too old?  I don’t feel too old.  That stung!) 
•  Hong Kong, special needs only, and the fact that we are not ethnically Chinese won’t win us any favors.  
• China, long list of requirements, but possible.  I hate that I would provide a justification for a mother or family to give up a child just because it is a girl.
• Taiwan, possible, but we would have to act fast as we are getting close to being too old but waits are much shorter than China.  Boys and girls . . . And, hey, there is an agency in our area, sort of.  About an hour away.

  This has possibilities.

 

Unmasked!

I never set out to write an adoption blog.  It was just supposed to be a place to write down my thoughts and rant a bit when work was getting to me.  Stats show that readers that check in here are looking for adoption news, or for an Easy Salmon Glaze.  Adoptions are far more dramatic reading, so guess which get the most hits?  

What I’ve learned about myself so far is that adoption is on my mind far more than I would like to admit.  I’ve made a habit of pretending that I’m all cool, calm and patient.  I’ve even fooled myself at times.  My ASP thinks I’m some sort of saint.  I told her that I’m really just putting on a face for the public, she then informed me that I’m not giving myself enough credit.  Maybe it’s true, the secretary told me everyone who calls about international adoptions right now is either crying or screaming.

I just wrapped up the last bit of home study #6 this morning.  So, all there is to do now is wait.  There will be little to blog about adoption wise the next two months unless there is news about the MOU extension or we actually get a referral.  My doubts are huge.  The gossip I got from the agency secretary leads me to believe that renewing our home study was a waste of money and time.  I can’t even vent about it here because it would identify my agency beyond any doubt and would probably lead to legal issues.  

What to do next?  Maybe nothing.  This process has a taken a toll on both J and I.  It’s not the waiting alone.  There have been so many times when it looked like we were Ok, and then there would be new regulations, or nothing would happen when we were told it would.  My hopes have been rudely dashed more times than I can count.  Somehow I just put on the happy mask and move on.  My mask is wearing out though.

China?  I don’t think so.  The reasons we picked Vietnam over China are still the same and still keep me away.  And, now with China’s new regulations we are not even eligible anyway.  (Update, turns out we would be eligible, the BMI index cut off is 40 and over.  I am overweight, but not that much.)   If we were to go to another Asian country we would need to switch agencies and start again.  I know there will never be an ideal situation, I need to figure out what compromises I’m willing to make.  Maybe I need to take a break?  I have a pineapple in the fridge that would make a great desert if grilled.

 Hmmm . . . Stay tuned to find out the fate of Penelope Pineapple.  Will it be the grill, the blender, or something more sinister?!

(Dramatic enough for you?)