Unmasked!

I never set out to write an adoption blog.  It was just supposed to be a place to write down my thoughts and rant a bit when work was getting to me.  Stats show that readers that check in here are looking for adoption news, or for an Easy Salmon Glaze.  Adoptions are far more dramatic reading, so guess which get the most hits?  

What I’ve learned about myself so far is that adoption is on my mind far more than I would like to admit.  I’ve made a habit of pretending that I’m all cool, calm and patient.  I’ve even fooled myself at times.  My ASP thinks I’m some sort of saint.  I told her that I’m really just putting on a face for the public, she then informed me that I’m not giving myself enough credit.  Maybe it’s true, the secretary told me everyone who calls about international adoptions right now is either crying or screaming.

I just wrapped up the last bit of home study #6 this morning.  So, all there is to do now is wait.  There will be little to blog about adoption wise the next two months unless there is news about the MOU extension or we actually get a referral.  My doubts are huge.  The gossip I got from the agency secretary leads me to believe that renewing our home study was a waste of money and time.  I can’t even vent about it here because it would identify my agency beyond any doubt and would probably lead to legal issues.  

What to do next?  Maybe nothing.  This process has a taken a toll on both J and I.  It’s not the waiting alone.  There have been so many times when it looked like we were Ok, and then there would be new regulations, or nothing would happen when we were told it would.  My hopes have been rudely dashed more times than I can count.  Somehow I just put on the happy mask and move on.  My mask is wearing out though.

China?  I don’t think so.  The reasons we picked Vietnam over China are still the same and still keep me away.  And, now with China’s new regulations we are not even eligible anyway.  (Update, turns out we would be eligible, the BMI index cut off is 40 and over.  I am overweight, but not that much.)   If we were to go to another Asian country we would need to switch agencies and start again.  I know there will never be an ideal situation, I need to figure out what compromises I’m willing to make.  Maybe I need to take a break?  I have a pineapple in the fridge that would make a great desert if grilled.

 Hmmm . . . Stay tuned to find out the fate of Penelope Pineapple.  Will it be the grill, the blender, or something more sinister?!

(Dramatic enough for you?)

Finger Printing (sigh)

J and I went to get our PA fingerprints today.  The experience managed to dredge up all those feelings of inferiority and fear I used to feel when faced with the home study process.  Gone was my “easy peasy” attitude of the “One Last Home Study” post.

When we entered the UPS Store (yes, the USP store is doing FBI fingerprinting in our county!) the clerk was busy with another customer, but finished up quickly.  J’s ID was checked and was  showed how to use the finger printing device as I watched.  Once the instruction was completed, they left the room to complete tasks in the back.  (Weird.)  The thing is very much like the device that INS uses for fingerprints, but prompts and instructions are delivered in a user friendly fashion via computer monitor.  J completed his prints and busy clerk emerges from the back, checks my ID and I begin since I have already seen the instructions and watched J complete his prints.  Despite the fact that everything is going smoothly I am somewhat on edge.  Why?  Who knows?  Perhaps that every one of these things seem like pointless hoops to leap through, how is it that the clerk can leave the room?  Anyone could have walked in the door and completed our prints while they were in the back.  Our doctor is now filling out our health forms without even seeing us, as if he too believes all of this is getting dumb.  So, when I am about half way done busy, breathless clerk reappears and announces that they will now assist me since all other tasks are completed.  They grab my hand and continue finger printing me while rattling off company policy about when to assist finger print clients and when not to.  Apparently overseeing FBI fingerprinting ranks pretty low on the priority list, and the suggestion that I was doing fine with out help landed upon deaf, or perhaps priority plugged, ears.

That hand grab was what did it.  The act of finger printing was changed from something I was doing voluntarily to gain something I desired, to something that was being done to me to prove my worthiness, to uncover some past dark deed that would reveal the monster that I really was.

I want this to be over, one way or another, I need this to be done.  That one small thing really unsettled me, it is not right, it is not good.

One Last Home Study (knock on wood)

Home Study Packet Has Arrived!

OK, this is the last one.  (Please, Please, Please, Please, Please!)

I remember the first time we had one of these starring us in the face.  It felt so overwhelming, so invasive.  Now, it just seems like white noise, insignificant and mildly irritating.  Between the two adoptions this will be the sixth home study.  I’m tempted to put note in our packet when I turn it in to our social worker asking her if we get the tenth one free.  Oh well here we go again!  

To do:

• PA finger printing (Hey, that’s new!)
• Home Study Evaluation Agreement
• Discipline Policy
• Medical Reports
• Verification Questionnaire
• Financial Statement
• Criminal Record Check
• Child Abuse History Clearance
• 2 Adoption References 
• Pay Fee
• Get Notarized

Easy Peasy!

A Slow Day

There is little to report today.  We are still waiting for our home study renewal package to come, it should arrive tomorrow.

 I spent most of the day in theatre storage packing props for the move.  This whole process promises to be exhausting.   Right now we are packing and moving all props and costumes to a lounge adjacent to the storage area.  The painters are right on our heels as we empty each room freshening everything up for the campus archivists to move in.  We can’t yet move our things into our temporary space because it is not yet ready.   This would only be half as frustrating if it weren’t for the fact that we will need to move everything again next summer.  Boy do I hope the new building is ready!

I picked S up from school and let him play briefly with his friend, but not for long.  Very chilly and damp today.  S is very excited about summer vacation and he asked about vacation as we walked home.  We looked on-line at Busch Gardens in Virginia since he said he was interested in the beach.  He was not really thrilled with what he saw and seemed much more interested in Colonial Williamsburg.  Fine by me, I’m more interested in Colonial Williamsburg too!  Well, one thing let to another (as on-line time frequently does) and next thing I know J is walking in the door and I haven’t even thought about dinner yet.  I had to work fast because S had his scout graduation tonight.  I grabbed some frozen quesadillas, tossed them in the oven.  In the fridge, plain left over white rice (I LOVE MY RICE COOKER!) and reheated it with a can of black beans from the pantry and a few seasonings.  Wow, what a good really fast meal it turned out to be.  It kind of blew my calorie count for the day (over by 300 ) but I did more physical work today than normal and cold damp weather always cranks up my appetite. It will probably even out just fine.  We finished up with enough time for homework and a little play time too.

Off to scout graduation.  Which was nice, not too organized, but under an hour!  Home, snack for S and bed!

Tomorrow, more mundane things, but hopefully I can get out to buy flowers for the yard.  The weather man says it will be a nice day.

One more time!

Four and a half.  Whew!

So, we do have to update our home study BUT, it is not for Vietnam.  We will need to bring a current document with us for the US embassy in order to be allowed a visa for the child.  Not great news, but it could have been worse.  This time our task will be completed after I visit our notary.     We will not have to send the home study on a tour of state and national offices this time.

The process of sending documents to be state certified and authenticated is very trying to me.  I guess because all of your hopes go off in a little package entrusted to others who will do what I would feel much safer done with my own hands.  It doesn’t matter how many times we have been through that process without any troubles, all of our couriers have been excellent and prompt, I still feel a huge amount of uncertainty when that package leaves my hands.

A year ago when we renewed our home study I remember thinking, “Whew! Last time I will have to do that!”  Oh, well.  I can almost do this with my eyes closed now.

Today was also commencement at the university.  I think I have been working there too long now.  I was happy for all our grads, but didn’t tear up even once.  It is starting to feel like a tread mill.