Joint Council (on international children’s services) is asking all families currently in the adoption process with Vietnam to complete the Vietnam survey by Friday, August 22, 2008. Please pass this on to others you know who are waiting families.
You can see the entire announcement by clicking on “Joint Council” above.
Families waiting for a Vietnam Adoption are hoping official referrals arrive prior to September 1st. The “long shot” plan “B” for many was to hope that the current Memo of Understanding (MOU) would be extended allowing families with dossiers in the system to complete their adoptions despite the program closure. This letter posted by JCICS indicates that hope for a plan “B” is dead, but there is encouraging progress for the future of Vietnamese Adoptions. Please have a look.
I never set out to write an adoption blog. It was just supposed to be a place to write down my thoughts and rant a bit when work was getting to me. Stats show that readers that check in here are looking for adoption news, or for an Easy Salmon Glaze. Adoptions are far more dramatic reading, so guess which get the most hits?
What I’ve learned about myself so far is that adoption is on my mind far more than I would like to admit. I’ve made a habit of pretending that I’m all cool, calm and patient. I’ve even fooled myself at times. My ASP thinks I’m some sort of saint. I told her that I’m really just putting on a face for the public, she then informed me that I’m not giving myself enough credit. Maybe it’s true, the secretary told me everyone who calls about international adoptions right now is either crying or screaming.
I just wrapped up the last bit of home study #6 this morning. So, all there is to do now is wait. There will be little to blog about adoption wise the next two months unless there is news about the MOU extension or we actually get a referral. My doubts are huge. The gossip I got from the agency secretary leads me to believe that renewing our home study was a waste of money and time. I can’t even vent about it here because it would identify my agency beyond any doubt and would probably lead to legal issues.
What to do next? Maybe nothing. This process has a taken a toll on both J and I. It’s not the waiting alone. There have been so many times when it looked like we were Ok, and then there would be new regulations, or nothing would happen when we were told it would. My hopes have been rudely dashed more times than I can count. Somehow I just put on the happy mask and move on. My mask is wearing out though.
China? I don’t think so. The reasons we picked Vietnam over China are still the same and still keep me away. And, now with China’s new regulations we are not even eligible anyway. (Update, turns out we would be eligible, the BMI index cut off is 40 and over. I am overweight, but not that much.) If we were to go to another Asian country we would need to switch agencies and start again. I know there will never be an ideal situation, I need to figure out what compromises I’m willing to make. Maybe I need to take a break? I have a pineapple in the fridge that would make a great desert if grilled.
Hmmm . . . Stay tuned to find out the fate of Penelope Pineapple. Will it be the grill, the blender, or something more sinister?!
(Dramatic enough for you?)
76 days and counting down. That is the time left until the MOU expires and I will be infertile again.
Our first child did not come easily. After years of infertility, IVF and failed domestic adoptions, adoption from Vietnam was such a joy. So easy compared to all we had been through. I was overjoyed that I had found the way to build our family. I could have all the children I wanted. Now, I feel like I am facing infertility all over again. I once feared the biological clock, now I fear the calendar. September 1st looms before me like a death sentence for my yet to be child. A child we have waited for, planned for . . .
An extra coat hook and basket in the entry, a fourth towel for the family of three, boxes of unisex baby clothing packed away from my first, for my second. A crib in the attic. A spare room that was not meant to be spare.
I know I have to start moving on, but how? I don’t feel like I have any fight left in me, logic tells me to grieve, begin letting go. But there are still 76 days left. Enough time for a miracle.
Courtesy the blog stats provided by word press it seems that there are some other Vietnam waiting parents stopping into my blog on a some-what regular basis. So, after reading what Tad has been saying at Adoption Buzz about how there is a lot of information out there we just have to share and organize it, I thought I would share this.
First a disclaimer: PLEASE remember what is written here applies to one adoption service provider, mine. Even if you know you are using my provider, check with them. You should know that every province and each orphanage has different procedures, regulations and so on. DO NOT THINK THAT THIS WILL APPLY TO YOU.
Last week we got a contract addendum from our provider. It got me thinking about the new things in the process, specifically where do DNA testing and I-600 fit into the process. Things I once understood now seemed as clear as mud. I sent these questions to our adoption service provider.
. . . the things that are not clear to me is how the process works when we get a referral now that the I-600 and DNA testing are a part of the process.
1. For instance, IF DNA testing is required, do we accept the referral and then do the the testing, or can we wait for the DNA test results and then accept? It would make no sense to me (but who am I) to accept a referral before the child has been proven to be an orphan.
2. AND, at what point in the the process are the Foreign Fees Due? Before or after the I-600 approval? If we pay those fees before and approval is NOT gained, and the program is now closed because the MOU has expired, are the fees lost even though the child was not available.The refund policy of the contract states the funds MIGHT be transferable to another child from that same country. But if the program has closed what happens; lost fees?
***RANT WARNING****
A letter arrived today from our adoption service provider. It was to inform us of the recent warnings and increased risks associated with a Vietnamese adoption. In addition, having dispatched their duty of “informing us” they want us to sign a document that says “Despite these risks, we wish to continue to pursue an adoption from Vietnam”, but will not hold them liable for losses due to an incomplete adoption. Oh, and if we are not successful, they don’t actually owe us anything but will transfer a modest amount of fees to another program. ERRRRRRGGHHH!
We have been waiting (2nd on the list, remember?) since April of ‘07 for a referral. We have reached 1A status, and so have been on the brink for 4 months of waiting that should have been six weeks. There is only ninety days left until the MOU expires. Who on earth would chuck all that at this point in the process??!!! O.K., I know this is a legal thing because they know that MANY families are going to be deeply disappointed. And in the good ‘ole USA this means you have to find someone to blame and heal your heart with a law suit hopefully resulting in cash!
Honestly, my hands shook when I opened that envelope, we weren’t expecting anything from their office and it was addressed to us personally. I didn’t think it was a referral, but hoped it was some sort of personal news. Every request for information that I send always results in getting general info about the program.
AND, I don’t want another program! In this time and place adopting from Vietnam IS not only plan “A” it IS THE ONLY PLAN!
Sheesh.
