Suddenly . . .

After months of low key nagging we suddenly have a date for our family vacation.  We leave in 6 days.  All of sudden summer is over in a rush of preparation and travel.  Between now and Monday, the following must occur. 

• Grocery shopping.
• My yearly gynnie appointment that due to my complications takes 1/2 a day. Following this I will need to  . . .
• Pick up prescriptions.
• Laundry.
• A trip to the Boy Scout Council Store for updated uniform bits.
• Buy stamps, sunscreen and a half dozen other random items.
• 2 days of cub scout camp.
• 1 day of office wrangling to be ready to hit the ground running when we return.
• At least one visit to my grandmother who is in rehab care. (Two would be better.)
• Make hotel reservations.
• Pack for S and J’s scout camp trip.
• Pack for the whole family’s vacation
• Get the car to the garage for an oil change and to find out what the hissing sound is when the vent fan is turned off.
• Help J mow lawn.
• Arrange for someone to feed the cats.
• Water the house plants and the garden.
• See if my Mom can watch S during Aug. while I prep the Fall courses.

The schedule is kind of nuts.  J plans to leave at 7AM Monday after coming home from Scout Camp on Sunday afternoon.  We will drive 4 1/2 hours to a water park in VA, GO TO the water park that day and spend the night in the area.  Yikes!  I can see the meltdown already, and not just S, all of us.  When we get home from this hastily planned vacation we will leave again in four days for a three day camping trip with friends. A week and a half is all I have to spiff up my courses and design scenery for the first show. After that I start having scheduled activities on campus for the start of the Fall semester, another half week and 2nd grade starts for S.  Oh man, I’m tried just thinking about it all.

I have been so inactive for about a year and a half because I have walked away from almost all the work offered to me in the hopes that I would be caring for a baby girl.  That did not happen.  At first, it was torture, being idle was really hard for me.  It was about nine months before I started to adjust to my new (lack of) schedule.  Now, I’m so laid back I would describe myself as lazy.  It looks like that all ends tonight.  

I am fortunate though.  All the people who have offered me work in the past are still offering. This kind of lull in employment should’ve been career damaging.  But it wasn’t.  Two schools have basically given me the pick of their seasons and a more classes to teach than I can actually physically handle.  It will be easy to dive into all this work and never look back, or at least pretend I’m not looking.  I really do enjoy teaching; it is the only thing I’ve found that rivals parenting in the potential for satisfaction.   The next 40 days will fly by and then I will be up to my eyes in courses and shows and plans for two student trips and preparation for our new building and harvesting the garden and getting S off on the right foot in 2nd grade and J’s stepsister’s wedding and and and . . . . . I may drown.

I have not done the research on Taiwan; I don’t know if I am still actually holding onto hope for Vietnam or if I just want to have some time where I don’t feel like I’m teetering on the edge of bliss and disaster all the time.  There are days when I think it would be OK to have just S.  (Like yesterday when he entertained me by improvising an entire cable system of TV shows centered around slugs to my too loud protests of “GROSS” and “STOP” and my pantomime of a remote control.)  But, when I think about doing something, anything with the baby’s room, I am paralyzed.  The door is shut, I don’t go in there, I don’t look in there.  When I have to deal directly with the possibility of there not being a baby girl E ( yes, I have had a name picked out for about 5 years) I can’t do it.

So, all of a sudden we are down to 40 days.  I read on the DOS web site that they expect to have referrals for about half of the 1,700 pending dossiers prior to the Sept. 1st deadline. It all seems like such blatant fiction.  If they can do that why don’t we have a referral already?  Our dossier has been circulating orphanages since late January, nearly 6 months. How is it they expect to complete 850 referrals in little more than a month when some have been in the system for such a long time already?  

Maybe it will all happen very suddenly.

A Weekend of Distractions

It was kind of an odd weekend for us.  We were busy enough to forget about waiting for awhile, but no big stuff to report.

Friday we set off for a memorial service for my uncle in Niagara Falls.  Our hotel of choice was full and so we settled for another place.  It turned out not to be a very good choice, the room was musty smelling, not very clean and in need of an over haul.  We had a ground floor room with a large patio door, so I opened the door to try to air out the room.  The door was so old I could barley move it and had no screen.  So, I struggled to close it once the mosquitos started coming in.

We found the church the next morning without any trouble.  My family is quite large and S was shocked to find that he had so many (second) cousins and that they were adults.  Cousins are supposed to be kids.  The service was really nice, my uncle’s oldest son brought his entire folk music group from his church in Rochester to play for the service.  They were really good and added a lot to the service.  Afterwards there was a breakfast served at a nearby banquet room.  We didn’t know about the meal until it was announced at the end of the service.  Since we knew we wouldn’t make it up to the family reunion this August, we decided to alter our plans to spend the afternoon as tourists and go to the breakfast.

This was also very well done, lots of decent food, a display table, and an open mike.  Many people made short speeches, told great stories or sang.  A portion of my family is quite musical though none are professional they are reasonably accomplished.  After the meal there was a lot of small talk and catching up.  S amused my cousins by reading aloud from his Captain Underpants book, and serving everyone from a small tin of candy I had in my purse.

One of my confirmed bachelor cousins tried to engage S (remember S is 6 years old.)  in conversation about girls.  My husband reported to me later that the conversation went something like this:

CB: So, S you got any girlfriends?

S: No

CB: Why not, you gotta get your self a girl, and it’s real important that she is pretty, really pretty.

S: No, I’d rather just eat a lot of food.  (Sounding like the character “Chowder” from Cartoon Network)

CB: Well you know, girls can be a lot of fun to eat too!

S: Gave him an odd look and walked away.

My husband said he was so flabbergasted he just had no clue how to respond.  I told him that was probably the best thing.  If he had said something or made a big deal about it we would be more likely to have to explain the remark later.  However, we did enjoy actual conversation with many of my other cousins who have more developed senses of what to talk about with whom.

The breakfast did wrap up early enough for us to get to Niagara Falls for some fun.  S was quite excited because we planned to visit the Canadian side which meant he was going to another country.  J and I were a bit nervous as this would be the first time we would take S out of the country and use his new passport.  As silly as it sounds we both had a lurking fear that we would be pulled for background checks because of the obvious lack of family resemblance.  Our fears were unfounded and we crossed without any fuss at all.

S was somewhat impressed with the falls.  More so when we pointed out the size of the people on the Maid of the Mist compared to the falls.  My plan was to go on the Maid of the Mist.  I had grown up less than an hour away and never had the chance to do it myself.  I was hoping for a memorable family experience.  S would have nothing to do with it though.  As we drove into town he spotted a store called Candy Planet and it was at the top of his list.  

We spent the rest of the afternoon exploring Clifton Hill.  There is a lot to do on that short street most of it really fun.  S spotted a place called Brick City.  We paid a surprising $23 for the three of us to get in even with our $1 off ea. coupon.  This was the only thing we did that was not worth it.  Avoid this place unless you have a kid who is Lego obsessed.  And, ask if the prices are not posted.  The only rates posted here were a discounted rate to visit a group of several attractions.  

We had an early dinner at the Rainforest Cafe.  We were able to get a table without waiting but because of where we were (a street intended for the collection of tourist $$) we did not have high expectations.  Despite our surroundings we were pretty pleased with the place over all.  It is a family place, lots of distractions for the little ones, sensory overload manifested in restaurant form.  Despite the animated gorillas, elephants and boa constrictors, 5′-6″ tree frog walking around and the “Rain Storms” every 20 min. my husband heard a patron behind him remark that “all the kids running around here ruin the ambience”.  Apparently the pictures to color on her menu were overlooked, otherwise she would’ve known.

The service was good, the food came quickly, and was prepared well.  The prices were not even overly steep considering this is one of the most touristy spots in the world.  What more could person expect?  Oh yeah, quiet children who sit still.

After that we drove home, sometimes through heavy rain.  So we got home late, tired from the hour and the wet drive.  Sunday was quiet.  I caught up on email, visited grandma in the hospital and made chicken tacos for dinner.  Saturday saw us though enough activity for two weekends, thank goodness it was a quiet day.  As I fell asleep on Sunday night I thought as I have thought for the last year of Sunday nights, “Maybe this week.”

Mini Moon

As promised, here are the rest of the details from my wonderful holiday weekend.

I awoke Sunday morning with a hangover, a mild one.  But since this was my first in more than 10 years it seemed significant.  Breakfast was made for our overnight guests.  A little more catching up and then, reluctantly, they had to hit the road.  

J and I continued cleaning up from the party at a leisurely pace.  We talked a lot about the party, mostly about things that were said that the other missed.  We watched the chipmunks play in the retaining wall that we put in last fall.  They moved in pretty quick we thought, and there is now three little chipmunk families in our yard.  Their presence only added to our blessed feeling that morning.

The clean up took until lunch time.  We had some re-heated ribs and other left-overs from the party.  We all packed up our bags and head off.  S to grandma’s and J and I south.

When J and I first talked about our celebration we had considered the Summit Inn Resort as a place for the festivities.  As time wore on we decided that it would be a barrier to those attending from out of town, it would add an hour each way to their trip and make wallets much lighter.  Not to even mention that about half of our guest list consisted of kids under the age of eight, and although a beautiful spot, not entirely a fun place for kids.  So we decided to overnight there after the party for a “mini-moon”.

If you don’t know about this place have a look at the link above.  The hotel was built over 100 years ago over looking a beautiful valley in SW PA.  It has seen many renovations over the years so it has many modern amenities (indoor pool, game room) that you would expect from a resort and the oldest part of the complex has been restored.  Unfortunately, a large part of the upgrades took place in the 50’s and 60’s and some of those parts of the complex retain their lack of charm.  The rooms, however, are beautiful.  

We arrived a bit before out room was ready, so we enjoyed a soda on the expansive porch that overlooks the valley.  The weather was sunny, but not over warm, in short, perfect.  We checked into our room and then went down to the restaurant for an early dinner.  The food was very good, but nothing to “wow” about.  I think the garnishes were trying to hard.  After dinner we went for a walk on the surrounding property.  It was pleasant walking but unfortunately the woods had been cut through with many access roads for natural gas wells.  The roads made for easy walking but really did detract from the ideal walk in the woods.

When we got back to the hotel we poked around a bit exploring the labyrinth of a building.  The have a HUGE amount of event space.  What made it fun was despite the fact that the decor was way out of date, it did actually have some character.  The decor extended to the architecture of the rooms, unlike modern banquet facilities that just slap some wall paper on the the sides of a sheet rock box and call it decor.  My favorite was the “Baron Von Munchhausen Room” that boasted a 60’s Bavarian look. 

We eventually ended up in the game room where we played ping pong and pin ball, all with a valley view.  Then we went back to our room to take advantage of yet another valley view and watch the sun set.

The next morning we set off early and just sort of wandered the mountains. It was so pleasant to ride in the car, have adult conversation interspersed with silence and enjoy the views.  We stopped at a few antique shops and at a dying outlet mall.  We found a few meager bargains and decided to head home after a very light lunch.  Good thing we did too.  Poor S was bored to death of the grandmas and quite ready to go home.  Apparently, Great-grandma had wanted to go “visiting” the night before and they dragged poor S to the homes of 2 or 3 different elderly ladies that S has never met before.

All in all it was a wonderful weekend.  I wonder what we will dream up for our 25th?  

Don’t forget to breathe

Mother’s Day.   This day is at the top of my list for days to love and hate.

How can I hate it?  It took almost eight years to arrive home with my first child.  One year of trying the old fashioned way.  One year of trying the old fashioned way plus Clomid.  Two and a half years of IVF during which I had 3 major surgeries and only one complete cycle.  Two years of attempting domestic adoption including a night in hotel with a newborn I believed to be my forever child only to have to return the child to the birth mother the next morning.  And then finally international adoption.  This whole time was peppered with the other stories you have heard about insensitive family members, rude doctors, manipulative birth mothers, insurance companies who won’t cover infertility treatment for women, and the complete inability to make it the whole way through a Mother’s Day church service.  I still have a tough time with the last issue.

I know that there are some folks out there who have written that they do not like Mother’s Day.  And, I do understand why.  But here is what I think.  I should enjoy and celebrate Mother’s Day. To be a mother is one of life’s most treasured experiences and certainly one of God’s greatest gifts to us.  However, like other valuable things I might have I should not flaunt my gifts before others.  So dear reader, if my joy will cause you pain, please do not read any farther.  If my experience may give you hope, please let me share my joy with you.

Why I love it?  I have a son!  He is beautiful and kind and funny.  God found him for me and he (and He) has healed my heart.   The first time I held my son was on 11/15/01.  Here is what I wrote in my journal that day.

11/15/01  1:50AM  Ho Chi Minh City

AT LAST! I’M HERE!

Sandy gave us the referral pictures on the bus from the airport. You are so BEAUTIFUL.  I wish that J could’ve been there, we both would’ve cried together.  It was so exciting, everyone was crying and showing pictures of MY baby, MY son or MY daughter.  I would’ve come all this way just for that moment.  The bad news is that I will only get to see you for two hours tomorrow.  The I have to apply your paperwork.  Tomorrow another group will go to meet their children, too many of us to go together.

I need to sleep.  I have to get up in a little more than 4 hours.  But I will hold you TODAY!

6:11 AM

The hotel is very nice.  I’m sure we can be comfortable here pretty much indefinitely.  There is even a small washer/dryer inside the kitchen.  I’d go into detail, but that is what photos are for.  The traffic and the street noise are everything promised.  Anyway, get dressed, get breakfast, get to see you.  That’s the plan.  

Today you were:

61cm long, 38.5 Head Cir., 5Kg

9:40 PM

What a day this has been.  I’m not sure I can remember it all, but here I go.

I went down to breakfast and tried the chicken Pho. Very nice, simple, good.  Paul asked for a few volunteers to take the paperwork to the Justice Dept.  This would be the first experience with HCM traffic.  UNBELIEVABLE!  Made up of mostly motor bikes & mopeds it is like a river except each molecule has it’s own destination.  The flow of traffic is unstoppable.  Later in the day we went by an accident where 1 of 2 lanes were blocked.  All the traffic simply shifted onto the side walk.

We dropped off the paperwork so it could be reviewed while we went to the orphanage. Apparently he needed a few people to pad the group so no one would really know who dropped off what.  It sounds weird, but it worked.  We got approval very quickly when we went back later.

Back to the hotel to get the rest of the group, and then to see you.

We were ushered into a reception area and asked to sit around a large table.  We were served a sweet warm tea and a bottle of water.  Then the caregivers began to bring out the babies one at a time.  You were second.  How can I explain to you how I felt then.  When you were handed to me you were smiling and my heart melted without resistance.  For a long time I honestly don’t know what else was going on in that room.  It was just you and me, nothing else.  I kind of felt like I might black out, but the thought that they might not let me keep you if I dropped you kept me standing. After I came to my senses I went back to sit at the table with you.  All the parents helped each other take pictures and measure.  I got to feed you, and help you produce some healthy burps.  I checked you all over to make sure you were O.K.  It was clear that you and all the babies were well cared for.  Some of the other parents were reprimanded for not putting the clothes back on their baby after they had checked them out.

Before I knew it our time was up.  1 hr, 10 min. That’s all.  We all gave gifts to the orphanage staff and piled back into the vans to go back to the hotel to get some other parents’ passports.  But the traffic was heavy and some parents did not come back to the van right away and their was an accident on the same street as the Justice Dept.  So when we arrived they had closed for lunch break.  So back in the van, back to the hotel for lunch (sautéed vermicelli and crab) and back tot he Justice Dept.  This time things went very quick.  It took about 30 seconds to file the paperwork.

I’m sorry but I’m starting to feel very tired. (6 hrs. sleep in 36 hrs. I wonder why?)  I’ll pick up here in the morning.

I love you already and I can’t wait to come back for you. 

It was about 6 weeks until I could return for our adoption day.  It was a beautiful, wonderful experience.  My husband and my Mom were both on the trip, all the people I cared about most.  

Our wait this time, although frustrating, is still so much shorter and far less dramatic.  It is so hard to remember to enjoy the blessings I have at this moment, and they are considerable.  I keep wanting to freeze up and live in way that feels like holding your breath.  Deciding to have our anniversary  party was actually difficult.  Practically, we couldn’t move forward until less than two months before the date just in case  . . .   Emotionally, I had to choose to be happy.  I made a decision to celebrate what I have instead of mourning what I do not.  I look forward to the future and what it may bring.  But for now I will just keep trying to find joy in each day and remember to breathe.