JSICIS posted this announcement on their site today. If you have a referral, and the child originated from Tu Du Hospital, this is a must read for you.
On a personal note, my son was born in this hospital in 2001. I do not know how I can ever share this information with him. I also know I cannot keep it from him.
Joint Council (on international children’s services) is asking all families currently in the adoption process with Vietnam to complete the Vietnam survey by Friday, August 22, 2008. Please pass this on to others you know who are waiting families.
You can see the entire announcement by clicking on “Joint Council” above.
A question I have been waiting to hear. Until yesterday I only had a vague idea about what I would say. Then I read this post. The Truth as You Know It
Ok, good, thank-you, I won’t make that mistake. BUT, what DO I say? The next post on my Blog Surfer was this, NO LIE! Thank You
“Because I wanted her to be safe.” That simple phrase is so full of truth, and the love that ALL parents have for our children. We all spend so much energy and worry about their safety each waking moment. This is the truth as I know it. Is this the whole answer? No. But it is the core, the seed from which logic springs in a world that frequently defies logic.
Thank-you to both of these women for sharing with all of us. It is so hard to work through these issues alone. The advice and experiences of others are so valuable to me.
BTW, I received word from our agency that one family has permission to travel. The first one in a year. I pray they are safe as they travel. Today on Tin Que Huong two posts about Vietnam. One about a Dengue fever outbreak. The other about a US human rights group pleading with Vietnam to not interfere with the funeral of a prominent (dissident) religious leader. What mother wouldn’t worry?
I love my garden.
It is a source of calm, exercise, food, cut flowers and memories. Many of the plants have been gifts. They are from birthdays, Mothers Day, anniversaries, even a tree given to commemorate the adoption of our son. I have planted flowers that are the favorites of the women in my family. Pansies for my paternal grandmother, yellow roses for my mother-in-law, Iris for my maternal grandmother and lilly-of -the-valley for my mother. The daisies commemorate the ones I carried on my wedding day.
Sometimes it is the smell of the plants that trigger memories. One of my strongest triggers for memories of Vietnam was the smell of fresh herbs that would enfold you as you walked past the street-side restaurants. A single whiff of fresh cilantro . . . and I am so there! This year there have been a lot of cilantro “volunteers”, new plants that grow from the seeds of last years plants without any help from the gardener. I was surprised to find thai basil this year in one of the big hardware store garden centers. These two combined with mint make my favorite garnishes for Pho. If that doesn’t take me back to Vietnam the memory is lost never to return!
What is Pho? Well, that is a post of it’s own, and not for me to tackle. There are entire blogs dedicated to Pho. Go do a search, I’m sure you will find more than you have time to read for a month.
If you would like to grow herbs of Vietnam, check out this site. It lists their various names and typical uses. I live in the North East and find that most are easy to grow despite the vast differences in climates. Care must be taken when you grow mint. The good news is that it is perennial and will not need to be planted each year. The bad news is that it is very invasive and will cover your entire yard within a few seasons if not contained. Mine is currently escaping the containment I have provided and has invaded the neighboring chives. (But to be fair, the chives have also volunteered their way into the mint!)
Mother’s Day. This day is at the top of my list for days to love and hate.
How can I hate it? It took almost eight years to arrive home with my first child. One year of trying the old fashioned way. One year of trying the old fashioned way plus Clomid. Two and a half years of IVF during which I had 3 major surgeries and only one complete cycle. Two years of attempting domestic adoption including a night in hotel with a newborn I believed to be my forever child only to have to return the child to the birth mother the next morning. And then finally international adoption. This whole time was peppered with the other stories you have heard about insensitive family members, rude doctors, manipulative birth mothers, insurance companies who won’t cover infertility treatment for women, and the complete inability to make it the whole way through a Mother’s Day church service. I still have a tough time with the last issue.
I know that there are some folks out there who have written that they do not like Mother’s Day. And, I do understand why. But here is what I think. I should enjoy and celebrate Mother’s Day. To be a mother is one of life’s most treasured experiences and certainly one of God’s greatest gifts to us. However, like other valuable things I might have I should not flaunt my gifts before others. So dear reader, if my joy will cause you pain, please do not read any farther. If my experience may give you hope, please let me share my joy with you.
Why I love it? I have a son! He is beautiful and kind and funny. God found him for me and he (and He) has healed my heart. The first time I held my son was on 11/15/01. Here is what I wrote in my journal that day.
11/15/01 1:50AM Ho Chi Minh City
AT LAST! I’M HERE!
Sandy gave us the referral pictures on the bus from the airport. You are so BEAUTIFUL. I wish that J could’ve been there, we both would’ve cried together. It was so exciting, everyone was crying and showing pictures of MY baby, MY son or MY daughter. I would’ve come all this way just for that moment. The bad news is that I will only get to see you for two hours tomorrow. The I have to apply your paperwork. Tomorrow another group will go to meet their children, too many of us to go together.
I need to sleep. I have to get up in a little more than 4 hours. But I will hold you TODAY!
6:11 AM
The hotel is very nice. I’m sure we can be comfortable here pretty much indefinitely. There is even a small washer/dryer inside the kitchen. I’d go into detail, but that is what photos are for. The traffic and the street noise are everything promised. Anyway, get dressed, get breakfast, get to see you. That’s the plan.
Today you were:
61cm long, 38.5 Head Cir., 5Kg
9:40 PM
What a day this has been. I’m not sure I can remember it all, but here I go.
I went down to breakfast and tried the chicken Pho. Very nice, simple, good. Paul asked for a few volunteers to take the paperwork to the Justice Dept. This would be the first experience with HCM traffic. UNBELIEVABLE! Made up of mostly motor bikes & mopeds it is like a river except each molecule has it’s own destination. The flow of traffic is unstoppable. Later in the day we went by an accident where 1 of 2 lanes were blocked. All the traffic simply shifted onto the side walk.
We dropped off the paperwork so it could be reviewed while we went to the orphanage. Apparently he needed a few people to pad the group so no one would really know who dropped off what. It sounds weird, but it worked. We got approval very quickly when we went back later.
Back to the hotel to get the rest of the group, and then to see you.
We were ushered into a reception area and asked to sit around a large table. We were served a sweet warm tea and a bottle of water. Then the caregivers began to bring out the babies one at a time. You were second. How can I explain to you how I felt then. When you were handed to me you were smiling and my heart melted without resistance. For a long time I honestly don’t know what else was going on in that room. It was just you and me, nothing else. I kind of felt like I might black out, but the thought that they might not let me keep you if I dropped you kept me standing. After I came to my senses I went back to sit at the table with you. All the parents helped each other take pictures and measure. I got to feed you, and help you produce some healthy burps. I checked you all over to make sure you were O.K. It was clear that you and all the babies were well cared for. Some of the other parents were reprimanded for not putting the clothes back on their baby after they had checked them out.
Before I knew it our time was up. 1 hr, 10 min. That’s all. We all gave gifts to the orphanage staff and piled back into the vans to go back to the hotel to get some other parents’ passports. But the traffic was heavy and some parents did not come back to the van right away and their was an accident on the same street as the Justice Dept. So when we arrived they had closed for lunch break. So back in the van, back to the hotel for lunch (sautéed vermicelli and crab) and back tot he Justice Dept. This time things went very quick. It took about 30 seconds to file the paperwork.
I’m sorry but I’m starting to feel very tired. (6 hrs. sleep in 36 hrs. I wonder why?) I’ll pick up here in the morning.
I love you already and I can’t wait to come back for you.
It was about 6 weeks until I could return for our adoption day. It was a beautiful, wonderful experience. My husband and my Mom were both on the trip, all the people I cared about most.
Our wait this time, although frustrating, is still so much shorter and far less dramatic. It is so hard to remember to enjoy the blessings I have at this moment, and they are considerable. I keep wanting to freeze up and live in way that feels like holding your breath. Deciding to have our anniversary party was actually difficult. Practically, we couldn’t move forward until less than two months before the date just in case . . . Emotionally, I had to choose to be happy. I made a decision to celebrate what I have instead of mourning what I do not. I look forward to the future and what it may bring. But for now I will just keep trying to find joy in each day and remember to breathe.
Two days and no answer. Two days ago I sent an email to our ASP (adoption service provider) asking if we would need to renew our home study. They must not even know.
Let me catch you up a bit. We have reached 1A status for an adoption from Vietnam. 1A status means that we have cleared all paper work hurdles our dossier is logged and a match is being actively sought. When we were informed of our 1A status in late January we were told that we should have a match by Feb. 28th. We also have been told once we reach 1A status they thought our dossier would be “frozen”. I never received a confirmation of this. Our home study expires July 12th, about two months away. Since we do not have a referral yet it is highly unlikely that we will complete our adoption before that date. If you don’t think all that is frustrating add to it the fact that we have been “2nd on the list” since April 2007, yes 2007. So, if we need to renew out home study it will be the second renewal, third set of fees, and about the 6th set of papers we have sent through the state and national offices to receive various approvals.
A few days ago I read an ecstatically happy post from a young woman who was nearing completion of her first home study. She felt all their work was over and that a baby would be in their home in as little as two months. My heart went out to her. I hope that she is right. When your anticipation is that high the crash could be mighty hard. Waiting is the worst part of the process. When you are running around gathering papers and putting it all together you feel like there is progress. You are doing something positive, you are moving forward. When you wait, doldrums, every miniscule bit of news is like a tiny breeze that gives hope but no movement.
If anyone out there is considering an adoption from Vietnam, look else where. Those in the system already face a wait far longer than anyone could have guessed. Each time we have felt close to moving forward, rules change, there is a new form to be submitted, or the same form again and again and again. Things are so bad that the US is closing the system again, no new applications after July 1st. Many people will say a new agreement is in the works and they are confident everything will be fine. The truth is they don’t know and they are only trying to keep you calm and interested in the program. Money is the bottom line here and in Vietnam. The kids are just another commodity to them.
